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Jess' blog

Intrepid traveller with an irrational fear of onions

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3rd Year Fear

It will happen to us all at some point. And you can never be sure when it will strike. For some, it will be mid-way through your 11am seminar or tutor appraisal. For others, it will be as you toss and turn for hours unable to sleep. For me, it was at approximately 2.45pm on a Wednesday as I was just chilling in my room at home. The 3rd Year Fear had struck. The realisation of just how much work I had to do finally dawned on me, and the acknowledgement of how little work I was actually doing made me break out into a cold sweat. And then the inevitable questions come: ‘What happens if I don’t get a 2.1? What am I even gonna do once the Cardiff dream is over? Will I even get a bar job let alone a graduate job? And, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WATCHING NETFLIX AT 2.45PM WHEN I HAVE 3 ESSAYS TO WRITE???? Some call it fear, I call it hysteria.

See, the problem with me (and countless other students) is that I have convinced myself that I “work well under pressure”. This essentially means staring at an essay title periodically for weeks on end and making pointless notes in an attempt to satisfy myself that I’ve at least started on it. It’s then not until the night before the essay is due that I finally “get” what it’s all about and begin my manic academic journey that of course leads to a library all-nighter. And strangely enough, I do actually enjoy these panic-stricken keyboard bashing nights of literary inspiration. It’s just that it’s doesn’t usually leave much time for the most important aspect- editing. And with English Literature, most of your grammatical and stylistic errors can be corrected with just a thorough proof-read. So I’m desperately trying to set my own deadlines and actually stick to them. Trying to double bluff your own brain isn’t that easy- unsurprisingly. I’m starting to think I’m going to have to threaten myself with some sort of hideous punishment if I don’t complete the essays by my own specified deadline. Like having to do all the washing up for everyone in my house for a month…would probably be quite therapeutic on second thoughts. Or having to go to all my lectures in my pyjamas for a week. Would be comfy at least. Maybe something a little along of the lines of having to share a bed with this furry little fella…

I’m sorry for subjecting you all to that, but i really just had to share my pain. 3rd Year Fear is as hideous as a giant tarantula. Whatever punishment I decide on, the fact that remains is that these essays need to get done…so with that, I’m off to the library! For the meantime anyway, my soul has been sold to the library in exchange for a small (probably misguided) belief that I will finish the year with a respectable degree. You have all this to look forward to and more!

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