I come to you today, reporting feelings of a current turbulent and rocky relationship. It seems like we often drop into a lull where our feelings of distaste and boredom with each other are hard to overcome. Spending too much time together makes it seem like we should go on a break, but we know that for those times when everything’s looking up and is going well, that it all seems worth it. Yes, Bute Library and I are battling through the stormy weather to complete my final few weeks at Cardiff University. (I’m lying, it’s actually unbelievably sunny – typical.)
While 99% of my mind is occupied with what year the death rate peaked due to HIV/AIDS (2005 if anyone wanted to know) and the unethical nature of major pharmaceutical companies, there is 1% of my mind that escapes and is looking a few weeks into the future where for only the second time in my life, everything will change and I have to move on. Preparing to leave university is only akin in my mind, to the feeling of leaving school to come to university. There’s a distinct lack of certainty about what you’ll be doing or where you’ll be doing it in the coming months.
Leaving school I was up, down and all over the place thinking about university. I was completely unsettled that I couldn’t make any plans until I had my A-Level results and dreading that so many things that were my livelihood were coming to an end. It’s a very similar feeling currently; I’m leaving behind my friends, my home, my relationship and the only thing that has ever created a structure in my life – education. For the first time that I can remember, I’ll no longer have a structure put in place for me, I have to forge one for myself. Except this time round there seems to be one difference to this whole scenario – I’m no longer having moments of panic and getting so stressed that Tesco runs out of chocolate. Don’t get me wrong, at the start of the year I was completely stressed, as I spent hours on end filling out graduate application forms whilst trying to write my literature review on something I couldn’t even pronounce, let alone understand. It’s gotten to the point where with only a few weeks of Uni left, I have to accept and be OK with the fact I have no immediate plans. I obviously plan to get a job but I mean that I don’t really know what the next few months hold for me.
If someone had told me that I needed to accept and be ok with that the summer before Uni I probably wouldn’t have taken it very well, but if there’s anything I’ve learnt from my time here it’s that you need to take the ups with the downs and handle one thing at a time. Life has a funny way of working itself out for you and no matter how much you want something or how hard you try, your cards may not play out the way you want them to. Equally, something better could be just around the corner.
When I started working on this project, I was asked to create a tagline, where I said I was “aspiring to conquer life’s challenges, or maybe just my degree for now” and never has that been so true as it is at this moment. So if you’re thinking about coming to Uni, or thinking about leaving, yes, there’s a lot to be said for forward planning and looking ahead at life’s challenges, as long as you remember to love life as it is now too.
Good luck to everyone in all their exams, see you on the other side
*I’ve been asked to clarify that although I found it particularly amusing and I’m sure it was entertaining for anyone else reading who knows myself and James, my actual relationship isn’t as rocky as described above haha*